It's been a bad week, but I promise I'll get better...

Last week, as you've read, I was in Seagraves at my Granny's. It was an okay visit. Mom and I spent the entire week together, and got along wonderfully. We laughed a lot. She got on my nerves once, on the way home, when she decided I needed a backseat driver.

I spend all of Thursday getting a pedicure, buying groceries for the boys for the week, having the oil changed, buying a few t-shirts, flip flops and a pair of shorts. Basically, getting ready for the trip. That night I did my laundry and packed. I didn't go to bed until 2am. Friday morning I woke up at 9 am, and left the house for Mom's in Fort Worth by 930am. She insisted I be at her house at that time. So, I get there, and she procrastinates for an hour. When we finally left her house, we stopped at the bank for Jackson Hewitt, then backtracked to Mansfield to go to Mom's bank. Someone had stolen her credit card number somehow, and was taking all her money. Luckily the bank caught it. After that, she wanted to go to Payless. The woman bought 3 pairs of shoes for herself, one pair of shoes and little purselet for me, then went to Ross and bought herself a purse. We were supposed to have lunch with Sandra at her Quiznos store in Weatherford, but Mom got dizzy, so we went to Cracker Barrel on the way out of town. By the time we left Arlington, it was already 130pm. LOL So, I pull into Sonic, get a Large Cranberry Iced Tea, and headed out of town.

We had decided not to stop at Sandra's, but changed our minds. When we got there, Sandra had her grandson with her. Conner is about 2 years old, and hilarious! He throws his voice like Pee Wee Herman. lol Anyway, we spend the next hour or so laughing at him. Sandra and Stewart were nice enough to give us sammies and chips for the road/dinner later on that night. Mom and I finally left Weatherford around 5pm....so I guess we stayed longer than an hour. LOL We made it to Tye, which is about half way between Arlington and Seagraves. Mom got hungry, and we were tired of driving so we went to the truck stop cafe. Mom got a Steak and I got a horrible french dip sandwich. We stayed there about an hour or so. It was just us, so we were taking our time, instead of racing the clock. After we left there, we made it to Sweetwater - an hour from Tye MAYBE. We then decided to get a hotel room and crash. This was FINE with me, because my pain was horrible by this time. When it gets that bad it's really hard to hide it. lol The room was comfortable enough, but when I tried to go to sleep, it felt like I had a huge knot on my left hamstring and I was teetering on it. Drove me nuts! Mom wanted to get some sleep, but we ended up staying up until 3, because she wanted me to read her cards. LOL She was freaking out over how accurate they were coming out. They were telling me stuff that I didn't know about my Mom, that's what freaked her out.

The next day we left Tye around noon, and was driving to Hobbs NM to stay the night and go to the casino before we headed to Granny's. On the way, we stopped in Seminole so I could see my Dad. He was acting strange. I still can't figure that one out. I was supposed to go see my grandmother in Hobbs, but we lost our money at the casino and decided to head on to Seagraves instead. Unfortunately, I never got a chance to make it back to Hobbs.

On Saturday, before we got to Hobbs, I'd received a ton of calls wondering about Brenda. Where was she? How is she? Is she okay? So, I called around, and eventually found her. Her phone was shut off for a few days....it is now on, THANK GAWD. After relaying the messages to her, she tells me about a particular incident that is ongoing with a person that I've been trying to tell her to stay away from. Finally she gets it!

Anyway, the rest of the week is a blur. Granny and Papa aren't doing well at all. Neither are Ma and Pa. Ma asked the same 3 questions 4 times each in a 30 minute period. Pa sang us 2 songs about dying. Papa has to wear a bib because he shakes and drools all over himself, and Granny is just a mess too. Granny and Papa begged me to stay. I just can't live there! I'm willing to care for them, but it has to be on my own terms...in MY town. There is Nothing in Seminole/Seagraves for a young person...or an old person for that matter! There are no jobs, very few people to be friends with, no entertainment, no decent grocery stores, crappy friggin doctors, the list goes on and on.... I promised Granny years ago I wouldn't let them put her in a nursing home, but I cannot live in Seagraves! It's not like Heath won't need me anymore after he graduates High School. Besides, this is where MY friends, MY family, MY home is. I sound selfish, I realize, but damn!

I finally got my pain under control just before we had to come home, so I was sure that it would be bad once I got home. Not so! Thank you God(dess)!!! I've been on edge since I got home. I freak when i cant find my cell phone. We're all just sitting around, waiting to get a phone call that one or two...or all...of them are gone. It's a sad way to live, but it was just that bad. I can't help but feel guilty, but I also can't take care of everyone either. Brenda got in my face last night, trying to make me understand that I'm not being petty and selfish about all this. It just still feels that way though. I'm trying really hard to live in the NOW, but with this situation, it's really really hard.

I promise I'll cheer up. LOL