Pain and Roses.

This may not be the most articulate of anything I ever write, but whatever. LOL

Jim Morrison once said,“People are afraid of themselves, of their own reality; their feelings most of all. People talk about how great love is, but that's bullshit. Love hurts. Feelings are disturbing. People are taught that pain is evil and dangerous. How can they deal with love if they're afraid to feel? Pain is meant to wake us up. People try to hide their pain. But they're wrong. Pain is something to carry, like a radio. You feel your strength in the experience of pain. It's all in how you carry it. That's what matters. Pain is a feeling. Your feelings are a part of you. Your own reality. If you feel ashamed of them, and hide them, you're letting society destroy your reality. You should stand up for your right to feel your pain.” I have had a moment today of feeling guilty over feeling my pain. Today isn't a good day for me, as far as physical pain. It's about a 7. Also, waking up to a story about a woman, her father dying with his head resting on the seat of an empty chair set out for Jesus didn't help, or did it? When I awoke this morning, my right eye felt like someone had stuck a hot poker in it, and seemed to get worse even after I took off my contacts. Nothing was helping, until I read Stormy's story about the old man and Jesus' chair. Was it divine healing I received, or can it be explained scientifically in that I cried therefore washing the inflammation of my eye? Does it matter?

The truth is, I feel divinity around me at all times. Even when I'm discussing the validity of Christianity, Paganism, and Atheism with my sister. I claim to be Christian and Pagan, she claims she's Atheist. The truth for both of us, in all reality, is that we're Agnostic. But, these are just labels. When someone asks me what religion I am, I cringe. Religions, to me, place too many boundaries on what a person can and cannot believe in. I don't believe in Religion, because I believe in individualism. I am me, You are you, We can come together for a time and exchange ideas and beliefs, but in the end, I am me, You are you. I usually laugh and say I'm "Tashidian." I don't believe anyone is right, nor is anyone wrong. I've always been told that it doesn't matter how you get there, it's the journey, and the final destination that matter. Divinity is within and all around. It's in the air, the water, the trees, the people you love, the people you want to smack upside their head, the loud car that rattles the windows with rap music, the pain in the eye when you wake up, the constant pain all over your body. Divinity is in joy and suffering. I used to look at things and say, "Okay, what am I to learn from this pain today?" Again, that was limiting myself, my mind, my soul. Finding joy outside of the physical is what is important. Divinity never leans you, you turn away from it. Become blinded to it. I'm being awakened, and my eyes are wide open....at least spiritually, because physically that's difficult right now. HAHA! right now I'm trying to decipher what it is I'm looking at.

Recently I had changed my status on myspace to "Tasha is free." I was asked "free from what?" I said it was from Me. Me, being my Ego. I am free. There are no longer silly constraints placed on me, that are impossible to live up too. Tony Morrison said, “Bit by bit . . . she had claimed herself. Freeing yourself was one thing; claiming ownership of that freed self was another.” That's where I am now. Claiming it. Owning it. Being it. Life's difficulties are still in my face, but I'm finding them easier and easier to deal with. This is something new and exciting! I am no longer afraid of myself. I accept my Self, my ideals, my beliefs, my abilities, my gifts with the fullest heart and open arms.

I'm not going to feel guilty about my physical pain. I'm going to forgive myself for playing Wonder Woman and lifting that antique bed. Most of all, I'm going to feel the pain, and rejoice in the fact that I CAN. I feel pain, just as I feel joy.

Stop and smell the roses. That was Tisha's advice today. I love roses.

Today, I'm a 7. Today I breathe.